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Humor Page 2

More from our editors in the field!

We would like to thank Gary for the next few contributions;

1. The male customer who called saying he got an STD from one of
our flight attendants (the dated while in Paris) and wanted to know
what we were going to do about it. (I told him that the service
by her provided was well beyond the flight attendant's job description
and we would not be providing anything in the way of travel vouchers or frequent flyer miles.)

2. The woman who complained that it took her an hour to find her
mother when she went to pick her up at the airport and, since she
had parked illegally while looking for her mother, her car was towed.
"And what are you going to do to make it right?" she demanded.  Nothing.

3. The customer who called saying that when she went to use the
restroom,upon opening the door, found a pilot sitting there with
his pants down around his ankles. "You really should tell your pilots to lock the door," she said.

4. The passenger flying from from LAX to HNL complained that he
couldn't see the movie from his seat.  I asked him if he had asked
the flight attendant if he could move to another seat. "Yes, I did,"
he answered.  "And what did she say?"  "She said yes," he responded.
When I asked him if he had moved to another seat, he said that he
hadn't. "So let me get this straight. You were on a flight to Hawaii
and couldn't see the movie.  You asked if you could move to another
seat and and the answer was yes. And then you stayed in your seat
for the entire flight, was unable to see the movie, and now you
are calling me.  Why didn't you move to another seat?"  "The flight
attendant didn't escort me, and that's her job."  Right.

A story from an agent who used to work in Portland, Maine.

A ramp agent was offloading baggage onto the baggage area conveyor belt that would take it up to the carousel . This particular agent had been doing the same task for several years, but today a new twist would be added. As he was removing a bag from the cart it caught him in the face , pushing his head up and back into the edge of the cart.

The agent fell unconscious on to the conveyor belt and was carried up onto the carousel with the baggage. The agent actually came out of the shoot and slid down among the baggage, where he started to go around with the passengers bags.

Now after a few seconds a concerned passenger grabbed the agent by the shoulders and started to shake him. Yelling ""Is this all the baggage off flight 812"".

....a lot of class in Portland...




One late night, while working in United's baggage service office (aka "lost

and found") in Milwaukee, a beautiful woman in her mid 30's left me with

this unforgettable story.

It was about 11:30 PM (2330)and the last flight had come in. All of the

bags were offloaded, but several people were in line to file reports for

lost/delayed bags. One of those people was a very attractive woman in her

mid 30's. She became very upset because her bag did not make it on the

flight. I politely explained that it would probably come up on the next

flight from Chicago, which was at 10:30 the next morning. "We'll be happy

to have it delivered to you," I said, as I tried to be as compassionate as I


"I need it now! I can't wait until tomorrow morning. My medication is in

that bag," she said assertively, boarding on anger.

"I'm very sorry," I replied calmly, "but it's never a good idea to pack

medication in checked luggage."

She began sobbing. "If I get pregnant, it going to be YOUR FAULT!"


Working in MKE operations one night I noticed that one of my express flights was running tight on the clock. With a twenty minute turn around time we were pushing about ten minutes before PB with no boarded passengers. I radioed the cockpit and asked if there was a problem. I got no response which gave me an inclination of there being a problem. I gave it a couple minutes, by then "ROMEO", the ramp lead, was calling me to see if we were going to be late. I advised ROMEO I would check on it. When I got inside the doorway the captain turned around and said' "Anybody got a key for this thing?" He was referring to the door to the cockpit! Somehow they managed to lock themselves out of the cockpit whereas the captain made the FO get into pits, crawl up into a compartment that led him into the cockpit and unlock the door so that we could board our passengers and get the thing out! Needless to say the poor flight was chalked up to a MX delay.

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Dark Side 1